20 July, 2011
13 July, 2011
Stubbed-Toe Reaction
If I was Emperor of the World I would get the world's most intelligent scientists to copy me for the sole purpose of having someone to take out my wrath on when I accidentally kick an inanimate object and bust/stub my toe. At first, I thought that if I made inanimate objects have feelings, this problem would be solved. However, I thought that if they did have feelings, they would always be depressed because no one compliments an air conditioner or a microwave or goes up to one and says, "Great job, microwave!" But instead they just use them and I couldn't imagine how depressed I would be if I already lived the life of a shoe with feelings and then someone accidentally kicked me only to kick me and cuss at me again for hurting them. Then I would feel hated, lonely, afraid, unappreciated, and maybe even guilty for hurting them even though it wasn't my fault.
However, this does not change the fact that when you stub your toe you have an instant desire to hurt someone or something as an act of irrational vengeance. But really, the only person you can blame for these sorts of things is yourself. So if you had a copy of yourself, you could punch, kick, and swear at them and it would all be just and rational at the end of the day. For example:
Jesse: (stubs toe) Oh my frikkin God! Ahhh! Copy Jesse, get the @#$* over here, you little *$?%!
Copy Jesse: (runs up) What? What is it?!
Jesse: (says through clenched teeth) You hurt my toe, you freakin' *@$%!
Copy Jesse: That's horrible, man! I'm a freaking idiot! You should beat the living crap out of me!
Jesse: (beats living crap out of Copy Jesse)
This would definitely make the world a better place. I don't know how one would psychologically handle beating his or her self up to near death and feeling no pain... Oh well, we would iron out the kinks later.
However, this does not change the fact that when you stub your toe you have an instant desire to hurt someone or something as an act of irrational vengeance. But really, the only person you can blame for these sorts of things is yourself. So if you had a copy of yourself, you could punch, kick, and swear at them and it would all be just and rational at the end of the day. For example:
Jesse: (stubs toe) Oh my frikkin God! Ahhh! Copy Jesse, get the @#$* over here, you little *$?%!
Copy Jesse: (runs up) What? What is it?!
Jesse: (says through clenched teeth) You hurt my toe, you freakin' *@$%!
Copy Jesse: That's horrible, man! I'm a freaking idiot! You should beat the living crap out of me!
Jesse: (beats living crap out of Copy Jesse)
This would definitely make the world a better place. I don't know how one would psychologically handle beating his or her self up to near death and feeling no pain... Oh well, we would iron out the kinks later.
12 July, 2011
Global Symbols
If I was Emperor of the World, I would do away with all this nonsense of National Anthems, National Flags, National Parks, National Birds, National Flowers, National Pastas, and so on and so forth. Instead I would make a single Global Anthem, Flag, Bird, Park, Flower, Pasta, etc... They would be as follows.
Global Bird: The Snowy Owl
Global Park: New Zealand (I'd turn in it into a public park for the world)
Global Flower: The hydrangea (hydrangeas are pretty awesome-looking)
Global Animal: The nautilus
Global Tree: Bonsai tree
Global Color: Purple
Global Dish: Cream puff
Global Pasta: Mac 'n' Cheese
Global Sport: Soccer (no need to change that)
Of course, I'd force John Williams, Danny Elfman, Yoyo Ma, Koji Kondo, Hans Zimmer, Thomas Newman, Howard Shore, Dario Marienlli, Elton John, what's left of the Beatles, and Bruce Springsteen to compose a hour-long Global Anthem with words written by the greatest poets of our time like-... ... Anyway, I'd have creative teams of hundreds of people to design our flag and after I approve the Anthem and the Flag, then we'll have all we need to have successful Global Symbols.
Global Bird: The Snowy Owl
Global Park: New Zealand (I'd turn in it into a public park for the world)
Global Flower: The hydrangea (hydrangeas are pretty awesome-looking)
Global Animal: The nautilus
Global Tree: Bonsai tree
Global Color: Purple
Global Dish: Cream puff
Global Pasta: Mac 'n' Cheese
Global Sport: Soccer (no need to change that)
Of course, I'd force John Williams, Danny Elfman, Yoyo Ma, Koji Kondo, Hans Zimmer, Thomas Newman, Howard Shore, Dario Marienlli, Elton John, what's left of the Beatles, and Bruce Springsteen to compose a hour-long Global Anthem with words written by the greatest poets of our time like-... ... Anyway, I'd have creative teams of hundreds of people to design our flag and after I approve the Anthem and the Flag, then we'll have all we need to have successful Global Symbols.
10 July, 2011
This Blog
If I was Emperor of the World, I would make everyone read and love this blog so they can listen to and read all about my great ideas. Then the world would be a progressively better place because of my opinions. I would also make it to where my ideas would actually do something good for the world because I would be the Emperor of it and stuff.
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